For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
