and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
