All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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