I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
