Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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