You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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