and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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