I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
