Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize