I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
