isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
