Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
