You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
