ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize