Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
