Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
