she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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