first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
