I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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