after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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