i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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