what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
this beer tastes like vomit already
well you can't waste a boner
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
