Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
