u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
