just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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