It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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