I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
