so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
whose parrot is this?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
