Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
