the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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