I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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