I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Boobs are out for the taking
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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