Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
