Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
