woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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