he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
