So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
