I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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