I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
