Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
