Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
