Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
