someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
