Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
