I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
