Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
