Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
