worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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