Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
