Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
