i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
