You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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