I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
now i know why i became what i already was.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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