ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
