So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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