he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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