just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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