i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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