My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
