i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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