I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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