Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
