I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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