I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
